i'm miserable.
...
...
1 Comment | Leave a Comment
|| aihana || This is My Today, My Tomorrow, My Sanctuaire...
04 November 2011 @ 12:14 am
I miss him so terribly so terribly. I've been reading Haruki sensei's 1Q84 and feels that the character, Aomame's thoughts about love is similar to mine.
"If you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with that person."
And she believes she will meet him again after 20 years, hoping by chance they will meet on the streets. Of course she knows the possibility of that is infinitely zero but she is still hoping. She has the means to find him with the help of others but she chose not too. She prefers to leave it to fate. If they don't meet then so be it. Hence that quote.
Ngaaah....i really miss him. I saw his recent photo tagged by his friend and man...it was really heart wrenching. The feelings for him just flow and flow. He makes me wanna see him but he makes me so mad. He didn't reply nor did he acknowledged that he received my message.
Why do i feel this way when he doesn't? Why can't i chat with him normally and not think too much? Why can't i be myself? I really think even if i get together with another guy, i can't stop thinking about him....
"If you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with that person."
And she believes she will meet him again after 20 years, hoping by chance they will meet on the streets. Of course she knows the possibility of that is infinitely zero but she is still hoping. She has the means to find him with the help of others but she chose not too. She prefers to leave it to fate. If they don't meet then so be it. Hence that quote.
Ngaaah....i really miss him. I saw his recent photo tagged by his friend and man...it was really heart wrenching. The feelings for him just flow and flow. He makes me wanna see him but he makes me so mad. He didn't reply nor did he acknowledged that he received my message.
Why do i feel this way when he doesn't? Why can't i chat with him normally and not think too much? Why can't i be myself? I really think even if i get together with another guy, i can't stop thinking about him....
Current Mood: 
blah
blah16 October 2011 @ 11:48 pm
I finally did it!!! This afternoon around 5+, close to 6pm, i sent him my confession via fb. I finally put my words into action!!! I have officially no regrets now! I dun expect an answer so i think i will do just fine!!
Current Mood: 
calm
calm13 October 2011 @ 08:48 pm
Once i'm feeling this obstinate, no one can knock some sense into me. I literally feel like bursting what with all the emotions inside of me! Bad thing about being a scorpio is that, we think too much! To the extent that i came to a conclusion but i ended up thinking more and another conclusion came up; Its neverending! And yes, this is still about him.
I love it when i'm busy but every chance i'm not, he's the first thing that pops into my head and my heart will be tearing. He just fills me up i can't even comprehend. Yet i tell myself i'm not expecting anything in return. Who am i kidding? It'll be awesome if my feelings were reciprocated. I guess i wanted to escape rejection so badly that i deceived myself saying i just want my feelings known...
So then I found out that he will be gone for 3 years? He may have told me he will come visit from time to time but am i just going to wait? I know he's going to start work next week, i'm not sure, and so i was thinking of telling him before he gets busy with his new job that he earned with all his hard work. Is that a good idea?
The day that he flew off, that moment i wasn't able to tell him, should i re-enact that? Of course it will all be online not face to face. I'm planning to tell him on that particular day this week, same time. Finish it. Close it. End it. Is that a good idea? But it's going to be a sunday afternoon, close to evening! He may work the next day and to suddenly bombard him with a confession, i must say this good timing that i thought of may not be so good afterall. Oh my goodness. Can someone enlighten me??
I'm honestly too much to handle...see what i mean by thinking too much? My mind is such a whirlwind. I can always opt to keep it buried forever but i will explode. My feelings for him has reached bottleneck level....
Ya Allah, what do i do...?
I love it when i'm busy but every chance i'm not, he's the first thing that pops into my head and my heart will be tearing. He just fills me up i can't even comprehend. Yet i tell myself i'm not expecting anything in return. Who am i kidding? It'll be awesome if my feelings were reciprocated. I guess i wanted to escape rejection so badly that i deceived myself saying i just want my feelings known...
So then I found out that he will be gone for 3 years? He may have told me he will come visit from time to time but am i just going to wait? I know he's going to start work next week, i'm not sure, and so i was thinking of telling him before he gets busy with his new job that he earned with all his hard work. Is that a good idea?
The day that he flew off, that moment i wasn't able to tell him, should i re-enact that? Of course it will all be online not face to face. I'm planning to tell him on that particular day this week, same time. Finish it. Close it. End it. Is that a good idea? But it's going to be a sunday afternoon, close to evening! He may work the next day and to suddenly bombard him with a confession, i must say this good timing that i thought of may not be so good afterall. Oh my goodness. Can someone enlighten me??
I'm honestly too much to handle...see what i mean by thinking too much? My mind is such a whirlwind. I can always opt to keep it buried forever but i will explode. My feelings for him has reached bottleneck level....
Ya Allah, what do i do...?
Current Mood: 
indescribable
indescribable